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Encountering denial, particularly when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is saying no, giving a firm “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began submitting articles 50 years back, just after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous short stories. During the recent 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. Regularly, I receive a setback frequently—totaling more than 100 each year. In total, denials in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: Now, nearly everyone and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: lately, an editor rejected 20 pieces in a row before approving one. In 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor requested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

When I was younger, all rejections were painful. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my work was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? Why would they be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and your publication is poor. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at them, then frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (often accompanied by false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

So it went for decades.

Great Company

Naturally, I was in good company. Tales of writers whose work was initially turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had been defeated in races. The filmmaker says that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were turned down 1,500 times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to rouse me and keep moving, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I entered the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Today, I more clearly see the various causes why a publisher says no. To begin with, an publisher may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one in the pipeline, or be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the evaluator thinks I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the work I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my work too fast to recognize its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may not resonate and appeal, or the point I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have been published in magazines large and small, in local, national and global platforms. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for 50 years.

However, no bestsellers, no signings at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept no at my age, because my, humble successes have eased the blows of my frequent denials. I can now be reflective about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. So what lessons have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What